Always
by Suicide In A Bottle
Summary: Another fight that was, as always, my fault. SaiDem AU


Diclaimer: I do not own KH. If I did I'd be rich and drinking belgian chocolate from a wine glass, but I'm not. X(

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><p>I don't know if I can yell any louder<br>How many times have I kicked you outta here?  
>Or said something insulting?<p>

The mid-afternoon sun is warm on my skin as I sit here in the plum tree in front of our house. I've just had, yet another, fight with my boyfriend; Demyx, and I honestly do not know why we are together anymore. A sigh escapes me as I think back to what exactly had started this particular fight and I bang my head back against the trunk of the tree. Another sigh.

I am so stupid!

I can be so mean when I wanna be

It was nothing really, the entire thing started over a small incident, not even that. I was just Demyx being his usual cheerful, affectionate self. He and Xigbar have been friends for years, longer than the two of us have been together. The older man is really more of a big brother to the blonde anything else, but I got jealous anyway, no, jealous isn't the right word.

I just- Oh, fuck it, I don't even know!

Another sigh passes my lips, this one aggravated, and I again bang my head into the innocent tree I am currently resting in. The explosion of pain in the back of my skull helps to clear my mind. The frustration is beginning building up in my body, like the pressure under the cap of a soda bottle that's been shaken one too many times.

I am capable of really anything  
>I can cut you into pieces<p>

I need to calm down before I go back inside, so I don't hurt Demyx again; or really any more than I already have today. I raise my right hand and look briefly at my abnormally sharp nails before slowly dragging the nail of my index finger down my other arm. The feeling of my skin slicing open combined with the sight of the small rivets of blood running down my arm makes things a little better.

The sudden smell of salt water taffy and mint reaches my nose: Demyx.

"Saix?" A timid musical sounding voice asks.

Looking down I see the dirty blonde staring up at me, his eyes and everything about him reflect nothing but remorse. That look is kills me a little inside, really it's knowing that I am the reason for it that kills me.

But my heart is... broken

My response is a soft, "Yes, Demyx?"

Hearing my voice seems to brighten his mood a bit, though he still somewhat resembles a kicked puppy. Ignoring the last streams of blood dripping down my left arm, I jump down from my perch in the upper branches of the tree and land gracefully in front of him. He smiles at me before beginning to speak again. Why do I keep putting him through this?

Please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)  
>Please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)<p>

I always say how I don't need you

"Saix, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry."

But it's always gonna come right back to this

His voice is still timid, he's afraid of me and I know it and he knows I know. And it hurts, he's only ever afraid of me when we fight, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. My lips draw into a small frown at his words. The fight was _not_ his fault, they are _never_ his fault; always _mine_, but he still takes the blame each and every time.

Please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)

How did I become so obnoxious?  
>What is it with you that makes me act like this?<br>I've never been this nasty

The frown is gone before he even has the time to notice and my expression is carefully blanked, all except for my eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. My eyes are the only thing about me that ever holds any emotion, most of the time. Demyx is still staring at me, his eyes still frightened, yet hopeful. He is waiting for me to respond.

But what do I say?

"I've told you before, Demyx," I finally begin, "It was _not_ your fault, it was _mine_. You don't need to be sorry."

But baby I don't mean it  
>I mean it, I promise<p>

My voice, tough I tried to make it warm and caring, sounds distant and cold to my own ears. Again, he appears not to notice, because his eyes brighten even more and his smile widens. The blonde launches himself at me, enveloping me in one of his famous hugs, hi arms are around my neck and his blonde mullet/mohawk is tickling my neck as his head rest on my shoulders.

Please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)  
>Please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)<br>(Don't leave me)

I wrap my arm around him having, momentarily, forgotten about the shallow cut running along the underside of my other arm. We break apart after a few minutes and his sea blue eyes shine with happiness. My gaze is drawn to those blue depths, drowning in the joy that I find there. I continue to stare until a blush develops on his face and he lowers his to the ground shyly.

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me

It's then that he lets out a small gasp. He looks at me questioningly, then gently grabs my injured arm and brings it up to eye level.

"Saix, what happened to your arm?" confusion and worry lace his question.

Shame and frustration flow through me replacing the warm happiness that was there only moments ago. I avoid his eyes and just as gently remove my arm from his grasp. His eyes find mine and he is silently pleading for me to, once again, talk to him. But again, what can I say?

I can't be without, you're my perfect little punching bag  
>And I need you, I'm sorry.<p>

"I cut myself with my nail climbing up. It's fine, Dem, don't worry about it." There I go lying to him again.

I want to throw myself into a river.

Why can't I ever just tell him how I feel?

Please, please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)

Baby, please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)  
>(No, don't leave me)<br>Please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)

He buys it though (or pretends to) and smiles, shaking his head. He takes my other hand and stars leading me to the house, I let him pull me. I can never resist him, anyway.

"I should look at it anyway. Plus, lunch is ready and you haven't eaten all day." He is back to his usual cheerful self, until the next fight that I know will be my fault.

I know because they are always my fault, _always_.

(I always say) I always say how I don't need you  
>But it's always gonna come right back to this<p>

Please, please don't leave me (Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da da)  
>Please, please don't leave me<p>

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><p>AN: I finished and posted this yesterday, but didn't do this cuz I was like waaaaay late for class. Anyway, I'm not really sure how this turned out. I mean I like it but it seems off, for some reason. I think it's because this is my first time writting angst...maybe. Anywho, dropme a line and tell me what you think, cuz I really don't know how this turned out at all.


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